Me, You, and Youse Guys

GRAMMARIANS AT LARGE

Stella, left; Della, right

Bobby, a.k.a. Roberto

and

Yours Truly, Moi

"When the moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligns with Mars" is not only a poetical phrase but it has long made me wonder into which house I was born. I suspect it was when the moon was in the House of Grammarians and Venus aligned in its fashion with Earth. I remember being interrupted daily after my dad picked Hilda and me up from St. Pete High. I would tell in a rush about our activities. At some point, inevitably, I would say something such as, "It was a real good lesson!" Hilda would giggle because she knew what would follow,. My dad's comment, "Yes! You are saying it was authentic!" To this day I avert my eyes from Real Simple on the magazine racks knowing that "real" is not the proper form to modify neither simple nor nothin'. Hilda was Greek. All her mother cared about was Hilda catching a husband. Hilda was in training for a glamorous future. She was the only sophomore in high school wearing glittery spike(d) heels. Hilda cheerfully broke every grammar rule in our text. However, she never came to breakfast without her lipstick matching her toenails. In a way I was relieved to live in Grammarians' World. I wasn't allowed lipstick and if I really wanted to impress, all I'd have to do was keep quiet. I had some excellent years during which I was still as stone communicating my thoughts exclusively to Dear Diary with its precious heart lock and key. Recently I read a few of the entries. Hilarious! I was real everything and authentic, too.I had composed memory tricks: "If there is a 2 (to) or a 4(for) or words which could substitute (just, join) then use 'me.' Otherwise, go for "I." When in doubt, resort to Moi." Lest you think (or lest one thinks) I did not admire the Grammarians, I'm posting a lovely poem by my Aunt Stella who belonged to the school of "It's little or bit. The bit part is redundant." However, her poem is not stilted, not tongue-tied. It flows along well and I'm glad to be heir to these quirky out of left field commandments of verb agreement, run-on sentences, comma splices, possessive pronouns, and watch-the-antecedents. Although this made listening to my favorite pop songs difficult, I have to admit there are moments of joy from this education. I heard someone on NPR say, "Different from" and I cheered. Grammarians united! I don't know what happened to Hilda. She was sent to finishing school in Switzerland during our junior year. Boy! Did she miss it. That was some real year! Lucille says that times have changed and dangling participles are acceptable now. I have to wonder why we went through all those hours of choosing the mot juste. I think I know. It's the same reason my dad did math problems for fun. It was an exercise in mindfulness, in observation. It held us accountable in a world increasingly slipshod and ethically questionable. Perhaps the same results (attention to detail) can be achieved by the younger generation with its (no apostrophe) FarmVille and Zoo Paradise. Ever the optimist, Moi.

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"When I am gone

I hope that over me

Some kindly soul will plant

A willow tree.

Not as a monument

For men to see

But as a friend

To keep me company."

--Stella Halit

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...may the blessings of antiquated distant homework assignments bring you pleasure this day...